Parenting: Then vs. Now

Didn't our parents rear children? Didn’t we grow up well?

A constantly changing social environment impacts us, demanding changes in our parenting approaches. In the past, when the joint family system was prevalent, children grew up together, and all adults in the family helped raise them, regardless of whose children they were. Values like adjusting with others, respect for elders, and discipline were naturally passed on, as adults modeled these behaviors.

Today's scenario revolves around nuclear families where both parents often pursue careers. The so-called "latch-key children" come home to an empty house, eat pre-cooked food, and play or watch television until their parents return. Since parents are unable to spend enough time with their children, they may feel guilty, and in order to pacify this guilt, they tend to indulge their children materially and emotionally. Exploiting this situation, children may make more demands.

Adding to this, parents today often limit their family to one or two children and take pride in fulfilling their children’s unending desires, justifying it with thoughts like, "Whatever I couldn't get as a child, I want to give to my children because I can afford it now."

Many parents are driven by significant concerns, anxiety, and expectations because they strive to be perfect and raise perfect children, often trying to keep up with societal trends. When things don’t turn out as expected, parents are often puzzled, wondering where they went wrong. Although today’s children are intelligent, parents frequently perceive flaws—pursuing the wrong values, having a complacent attitude, being short-tempered and intolerant, self-centered, wasting time and resources, and failing to recognize parental sacrifices. But are we justified in blaming these innocent beings for their perceived flaws?

Types of Childhood Experiences

• Positive Experiences: Build strong character and a sense of self-worth.

• Negative Experiences: Lead to abuse, neglect, exploitation, and victimization of the child.

Quality Time: A Key to Positive Parenting

Quality time helps parents provide more positive experiences for their children. This concept refers to the time a child spends with a parent, during which all seven core needs are appropriately met. Spending quality time with children daily develops healthy communication, fosters self-worth and self-esteem, and reduces problem behaviors that arise when core needs are unmet.

The Seven Essential Components of Quality Time

1. Love and Acceptance

2. Attention

3. Belonging and Security

4. Companionship and Friendship

5. Communication

6. Creativity and Expression

7. Opportunities and Achievement

Is Your Love Towards Your Child Expressed in the Right Way?

Love is often referred to as the "super factor" in parenting. Nurturing a child makes them feel loved and cherished. Research shows that loving and nurturing parenting is linked to better behavior at all ages.

Learn your child's love language. Everyone feels love differently, so a caring parent must observe how their child prefers to receive love at various stages of development. Without this insight, a child might perceive a parent’s actions as unloving. For example, some children need verbal appreciation, while others might prefer hugs or simply being listened to.

Cracking the Code: How to Understand Your Child’s Love Language

• Notice ways you’ve shown love that your child seeks more of.

• Observe how your child shows love to others, as they often show love in the ways they want to receive it.

• Think about someone your child loves and enjoys spending time with. Reflect on what that person does, as it may provide clues to your child's love language.

• You can also directly ask your child what makes them feel loved.

Speak kindly to your child and use respect. Give compliments and appreciation often, and avoid sarcastic or snide remarks, even as jokes. Children believe what you say, and it can affect them.

Use touch whenever possible. Often, touch speaks louder than words—children appreciate pats on the back, hugs, cuddles, or even holding hands. Touch is a key love language for many children.

Try to avoid using gifts and food treats as your primary way of expressing love. Love should not be substituted with material items or gifts.

Do You Really Accept Your Child?

Acceptance means acknowledging your child’s needs, feelings, thoughts, and experiences.

3 Steps

1. Observe: Pay attention to your child’s behavior, expressions, and body language. Listen to what they say and their tone of voice.

2. Empathize: Understand what your child is going through. Imagine yourself in their situation and comprehend what they might be feeling or thinking.

3. Respond: Acknowledge your child's thoughts and feelings without giving advice, disapproving, or distracting them. The message should be: "Yes, I understand you." This helps your child feel heard and respected.

A child will develop a secure sense of self and positive self-esteem when they feel accepted by their parent. If your child knows that you value them, they will value themselves.

Building Unbreakable Bonds: Nurturing Stronger Parent-Child Relationships

When children feel accepted, they feel safe and secure, free to explore the world and express themselves without fear of disapproval. This fosters assertive communication skills and builds a stronger bond between parent and child. Over time, conversations become easier, and perspectives are shared openly. Your child will see you as an empathetic supporter rather than a critical, demanding authority.